Postby Jobe Thaniel Steward » Mon Aug 05, 2019 7:41 am
I had long hair and a penchant for feather earrings. Embarrassing, I know. My hair was rather impressive though; in that long and girlish sort of way. I garnered many marcs of joy out of it; be it in the weaving of braids or the arranging of ponytails; or the feel of a woman's fingers.
It has been ten cycles, or there abouts, since I first arrived in these lands. I was forty four (the maths is not terribly difficult to do) and freshly widowed. I arrived a subdued version of myself; uncertain and diluted. My grief still hung heavy in my heart. I had no romantic relationships, those first few cycles. Though the friends I found were many and dear; Caritta and Asara standing out above the rest. Caritta for being my first, true friend, and Asara for being the shameless creature that she was. The last I seen of Caritta, she had bonded to that Andy Feenix fellow, and joined the ranks of his many wives. Asara, got herself banished. The reason why I can't recall.
I remember my first meeting of Lillya - a friend I still have right up till this very turn. She had gotten herself quite lost in the swamps, in the dark of the cave. I brought her a torch to see her out and she kissed me for it. I always did possess a deep affection for Lillya.
But in those early turns, as I said, my grief kept me from pursuing relations beyond friendship. Though I had my band of women about me, the men I found not to be so kind. Many a tussle was had and I, being a worn stranger in these lands, had hardly the heart to fight back.
There was one shameful period, I recall, that I attempted to go incognito. Looking back, I now shudder at my own weakness. Contemptible, wretched thing that I was. But, I shod myself of my rings and finery. I put away my sweet smelling perfumes and done away with those feathery earrings. I wore a shirt as plain as a potato sack and slacks just as ill-fitting.
Mercifully, Kaballoi had been watching. She took note of my drab transformation and spirited me away. She took me to the hall of the Twenty Two, and bade me to look upon the likeness of Agape hanging in the entryway. The seeing of him was the epiphany that I needed - he who lived and loved so boldly and without care.
It was after that, I was reborn; twice as vivacious as before. Kaballoi gifted me my handkerchief with the white rabbit, Azure my favourite fuchsia blossom. I abandoned feather earrings entirely after that; I've much preferred jewels ever since.
You must forgive me, if my chronology is slightly off with this retelling - you must understand, I have been here for a very long time. Though, I believe it was around this period that I met Ziegfried.
I never knew which path I was going to follow; I mean, in the sense of professions and the likes. Mummy would've liked me to have become a Cleric, were she still alive. Gods rest her soul. An Enchanter, naturally, I believe I do possess the pizazzfor that sort of thing; lovely outfits and the endless benefits of not having to walk long distances in heels. True enough too, have bore the accusation that I am truly a rogue in warrior's clothing. My fingers are clever enough... But no! As you all well know I became a Warrior; and I think the position suits me well. I am spiteful and showy enough to play the part.
I decided to become a warrior after my very first meeting with Ziegfried. He was a warrior as is typical with the breed; burly, blood-peppered, ill-tempered. He wiped his dirtied hand down the front of my frilled shirt right in the middle of Dundee and a tremendous fight ensued. He called me 'poofer' - and all of the connotations that go along with the word.
"I bet that is what you're going to be, isn't it? Poofer."
I told him that I wasn't. That I was going to be a Warrior. And what was more, if he was such a prime example of masculinity; he might just make a man of me yet. He would teach me how. He would be my sponsor. Of course, he could not refuse me; to do so would be to deny his own virility. He was quite stuck with me.
Anyway my venture was successful, and I became the warrior that you see today. In fact, I surpassed Ziegfried in my training many cycles ago. In our disagreement, we did eventually find friendship and common ground. For Ziegfried, I found, was so terrified of femininity, that he was infact afraid of women. We grew much together.
***
Life was good. I hosted parties and had many friends. I wore the Crown of Thespis. I hadn't a care in the world. I met Bibi - who is a sister to me - one turn at Cerbie's and followed her home to The Vanguard Hall; and I've been there ever since. My home.
I fell in love. Madly. For the first time since the passing of Celeste. Though, it was a short-lived, twisted affair to look back upon. But, that is all I deserve for dabbling with a girl young enough to be my daughter. I suppose that is what I fell in love with; that wildness and spirit. The way that she made me feel. Contagious was her youth, and for a few months I too was a young man; careless and heady.
Helena Winston was her name, and a part of me will always remember her with affection.
The fall out from the madness lasted two years, there abouts. Heartbreak, that is. The cold realisation that your very best is not enough; not enough to keep her. My best, I thought, is phenomenal. Surely, I am charming, wealthy, tall, and as handsome as they come?! To bask in the full ferocity of my admiration is as thrilling as it is rare.
No. Not enough. I had never been this before, unworthy. Unwanted. It shook me to my very core. Terrified me. Maybe I was getting old? Maybe my turns basking in the 'rifter were up, and it was time I retreated to the shadows, along with the other old and unwanted things.
Initially, I attempted to rebound from this quickly; as though to prove to myself that there was truly nothing wrong with me. But I found that I had no care of my new lovers, and was habitually cruel. So, I retreated from all of that messy business and decided yo remain alone. So began the Aunty Jobe years - the time that I was sexless, harmless and docile.
This time crept up on me slowly; so slowly that I did not even see their coming until I was safely out upon the other side. From these turns, I recall meeting Lavender Morgan, and our many lengthy nocturnal conversations laid out upon the Worldbuilder Lawn - this is before there was a well there.
I was drunk alot; but in that sleepy, pleasant sort of way. I trained and drank and slept and chatted. I got a a bit beardie a time or two; when I had been up, training in the mountains for too long.
And then, one turn, 'Aunty Jobe' was gone. I awoke feeling starved; rabid and restless. Here I am calla lily. I am Black Star. Aunty Jobe is dead. I was destructive and emotionally vampiric. I was happy in bursts; and angry just as often. This man is rather close to the one I am now. Not quite Tahapense though, not yet.
First, there were all of those others. Rowan, who'd draw me sleeping. Achelus - bonded - but he'd write me love notes all the same. Dabria and our fights. Sweet Nadya Duskborn (who's token I still carry in my pack), she'd wash the smudged eyeliner from my face when I was hungover. There was Llyewell, a fellow widow; together we found solace. Other faces and hands I recall, but who's names I do not remember.
It was all fun. A lark. I gave in with my training cycles ago; I simply do not bother anymore. I've never fought in any great battle. I don't have much care for such glory.
Who am I now? I am old, but still very much alive. Too alive. I should be slowing, but I find I want more. I'm not ready to retire. I'm not ready to leave. I plan on making deals with Crones and orchids, but I digress from my telling.
There is Lathai now. Angelo. A better man than me. Who would've thought I would ever find this; that I would find such sweet salvation in this golden-headed man. That I am wholly horrid, affectionate, mercurial, catty and wonderful with each passing marc, and I find that it is enough. I am enough.
I am promised now, as most of you may well know. When I bond, I will take his name. I have been Jobe Thaniel Steward for the whole of my life; I think it'll be thrilling to be somebody new.
For the future, perhaps I will open a salon next door to Zanaan's. I doubt if I will explore much or fight in any wars. Good shoes, good wine, and better company. I will never stumble from my path again; I would never allow other people's doubts to cloud my heart. A chaotic home with Lathai and Firenze the rabbit; that is life now.
There are a couple ways to avoid death, one is to be magnificent. - Ian Dury