Dear Sam,
Look. I don't have much time. You come of age at 3:44am and I've gotta skin out before then else I'll turn into a sneeze. That's what happens to us, you know? Us imaginary friends. When you grow and your brain gets too big, there's no room left for us. So, ACHOO! Ejected out the shnoz.
I mean, admittedly the chaos of it appeals to me. I always was a bit like that. Mind, thankfully you weren't. Some kids have imaginary friends and set fire to things and then we get the blame. Gives us imaginary people a bad rep. I'm lucky you weren't one of those kids. The worst we ever thing we did was eat that birthday cake what didn't belong to us. But, it was worth it. And I'd do it again.
Anyway I'm dithering. Err... Some life advice! Now, let me see...
1. Your mam is right. You need to wash your hair more.
2. Always wear sunblock. Cmon you're ginger - which is probably why you imagined me as ginger. So yeh, wear it.
3. I should say something inspirational here about like always be happy but it's alright to be sad sometimes. But I can't think and I'm rushing. So that's the best I can do.
4. Probably most important thing. As you get old and (probably) inevitably boring, don't forget about us imaginary things. We might seem like insignificant dust and daydreams. But we're important. So look for the fairies. Talk to a tree. Cosplay. Do a bit of Cosplay. I think that's what they call it. (It's basically playing 'dress up' for grown ups. Or so I'm told).
Anyway. I'm going. I heard of this decent gig. Seems pretty neat. Basically someone called a Role player is going to adopt me. She doesn't know it yet mind - I'm planning to appear one night while she's drunk and listening to REM. Hahaha! She'll think she's thought of me herself!
But anyway, it was either a role player or an author. And I wanted to stick clear of authors cos they have the tendency to kill you. Or I'll wind up being made into a poor TV adaptation. And then the fanfic writers might get a hold of me and nothing is sacred with them lot.
No. Role players sound better. I hear tell that they're so addle-brained that I'll basically be able to do whatever I ruddy like within a year. And there will be nothing she can do but apologise 'OOC' for my behaviour. Ha!
But anyway, seriously. I hope I settle in there. Maybe meet a nice lad. Hopefully there's some other little imaginary things that I could take care of. I have been feeling sort of broody lately.
So Sam. This is goodbye. You were a good kid. And I think you'll be a good big. You should probably burn this letter after you've read it. I borrowed your arm to write it while you were sleeping and people will think you're insane.
Be silly always.
Bif x