Valornians Top Tens

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Blythe
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Valornians Top Tens

Postby Blythe » Thu Mar 15, 2018 1:32 am

((OOC note: I wrote this about 3 years ago. Ran across it recently and thought I would share for amusement.))
If Trinald had travel magazines, I would picture something similar to this showing up at some point:

Top Ten Things You Should Know About Valorn Before You Move There:

10. War: The Struggle is Real
Valornians are at war. With Everything… all the time… and have been for generations. If you ask any one of them, the answers will range from being at war with demons, the Demon Lord, Darkness, the Horde... But the truth is, Valorn is at war with everything. Every manner of creature from sentient centaurs and ogres (and even other humans like bandits, pirates and mercenary thugs) to vicious jellies, oversized birds, and even cute and adorable bunnies will attempt to kill any one adventuring through Valorn. Believe it or not, some Valornians will even tell you they are war with themselves. No, I’m not kidding.

9. Farming means something different to them.
When you say the word ‘farming’ most people envision crops, pack animals toiling in a field, oversized straw hats and interesting trousers with parts that extend up to cover the torso and straps that buckle. However, when a Valornian refers to farming, they are really referring to mass murder. Like the farmers in the fields, this is how adventurers in Valorn make their living – by killing as many creatures that will fight them with as little resistance as possible, as quickly as possible. Then they collect the parts that can be sold to merchants and anything else of value lying around to store up enough coins to buy the set of armor they have had their eye on or a large stash of healing potions for their next quest. It sounds brutal, but perhaps it comes from the war mongering that is bred into them or the fact that just about everything else in the lands they call home is always trying to kill them first is a matter of debate. Just be aware that farming is a lot less peaceful than it may sound.

8. Clothing options are always interesting.
To Valornians, clothing is both functional and necessary adornment. Some of their clothing is much more like armor or has special magical properties that make them smarter, faster, and stronger than without it. Some clothes are even spun from pure gold. As varied as the dangers to their lives, the clothing options in Valorn is quite staggering when compared to its near neighbor Ethucan. In Valorn you can find clothes for any occasion, in almost every color, made out of almost any material: from beach viper skin to Korunga peels, nothing goes unused as clothing to include bits, pieces, and trophies from their most recent conquests. Even stranger is the combinations in which they are worn. Whether or not they are personally known for their sartorial fashion sense or are wearing hand-me-down simple rags, Valornians cannot deny that the local tailors and seamstresses have the best job security in the realm.

7. Keep an eye on what you are eating and drinking…
Adventuring works up quite an appetite and Valornians will make a meal of just about anything. From rat stew to roasted headless hens and delicately tossed salads, the food variety tops even what is offered in the way of clothing and things to kill on any given turn. Along with that, they drink some rather peculiar things as well; they also have a rather long list of semi-debilitating ales and other concoctions to go along with their refreshing teas and iced lemonades. If it isn’t poison (and sometimes if it’s only a little bit poison and no one will really notices anyway…) then it’s on a plate or in a mug. Your only safe bet as to what isn’t being served in the form of pirate grub or distilled in a questionable brew is demon. Thank the gods they don’t eat the demons. Cheers, Valorns, for making us all both afraid and unable to resist what you are serving up at any given moment!

6. Can’t remember the last time you went to a party, festival or ceremony? Look no further!
What do you call three Valornians in the middle of nowhere?
A party!
You think I am kidding… but remember all that food and drink I mentioned earlier? Well, no one leaves home without at least ale and a celebratory cake or bos meat on a stick. Valornians carry around all their favorite meals – just in case they run into two more Valornians and feel the need to discuss what they have been killing or what has been killing them…. Or what they want to kill next. It’s a party after the first one busts a rhyme (or tries… in some cases fail, but a good laugh can always be had by all). Their lives are planned around the three special festivals that mark the passing of time for them. Fall Festival was the first to be celebrated regularly as a matter of tradition. It is still the biggest, longest lasting and most unpredictable festival of them all. Winter’s Warming celebrates everything that is awesomely frigid in the coldest season and Summerfaire reminds everyone to go into the mountains occasionally so that we have enough ice for all this lemonade and cider that is being consumed under Sunrifters steamier turns. Of course, we also cannot forget the ceremonies that crop up from time to time. Trust me, there is a ceremony for just about any occasion – with and without rhyme or reason – just don’t forget to bring celebratory food that must be consumed afterward. Oh, and are you wearing the right clothes for this?

5. The Arts are not lost.
Valornians love their art. Every adventurer is an artist of some sort. Whether its singing, dancing, poetry, storytelling, carving, sculpting, acting, painting, or just making interesting mouth-noises… these people have it covered. One might think with the constant barrage of danger and demon raids that they would devolve into barbarism focused mainly on survival. That is definitely not the case. Besides, it goes so very well with all of the parties, festivals, and ceremonies; plus they are able to smartly dress for every artistic occasion.

4. Friendliness is a Contest
By now you shouldn’t be shocked that the finer things in life seem to still rise to the top of every occasion. This included Valornian manners. Overall, you would not find a more friendly and helpful society. Every new adventure starts with a greeting from one (or all) of the many registered mentors across this fairly vast kingdom. Just about anyone is willing to help anyone – they even have contests to see who can be the friendliest and most helpful. Some are renowned for it, while others try in their own special way. Even if you come across the rare instance of someone being too busy or too self-absorbed to lend a helping hand… Don’t bother holding your breath, because another most friendly citizen adventurer is surely to turn the next corner or come jauntily bouncing down the road.

3. It is a collector’s paradise.
There is plenty to be collected across these lands. Some citizens have unbelievable collections of rare and precious artifacts ranging from maps and old coins to godly-blessed weapons and armor. Some have been known to collect large amounts of the most simple items, like string or flowers. Some collect items for the mere pleasure of selling them to highest bidder at local bazaars. If you want something, you can put your plat on the line to find out who has the largest collection of it. There has even been a museum of artifacts under construction in Valorn for almost as long as anyone cares to remember.

2. Love is in… everything.
Not just in the air. Love is everywhere. Along with being friendly and artistic, Valornians are unusually romantic for a society under constant threat of extinction – or maybe perhaps because of it. Whatever the reason, you won’t have to go much farther than contact with your first mentor or order of local ale to find love is tripping down the very same lanes (or some unfortunate soul is tripping over love). Whatever the occasion, expressions of love can be seen anywhere. You will find lovers initials carved into pendants, engraved on all manner of jewelry, reflected in the shine of a shield or cutting edge of a sword that was a gift of love, or hanging heavy with blossoms that serve as more than metaphorical representations in the rose bushes perched high on an out of the way sea side hill. Stay long enough at a party to hear more than a single poem and it is a sure bet that the second one will have romantic overtones. They just love to love – and even those in the minority of rejecting such romantic notions actually love to hate love. So it really works out well.

1. They adore their Royals.
The saying goes, “The gods so blessed the royal line of High Rulers that there has never been one less than worthy. The High Ruler is exactly what the lands of Valorn need at exactly the time they need them. So it has always been, so it will always be.” Whether it is the High King or the High Queen, Valornians have a special relationship with their High Rulers. Some very few individuals have very ‘special’ relationships –as both recent monarchs were known to have the same heart as their people, rulers of Valorn are known to have the love of their people. The High Rulers are engaged in the day to day life of Valorn on a level uncommonly thought of in regard to a ‘ruling class’; but the monarchs are or once were adventurers as well, facing the same dangers, enjoying the same parties, and engaging in the same arts (of both love and war) as anyone else. While the Royal Guard and Iron Order have taken oaths to protect the Royal Lineage, anyone with a weapon (and without) will defend the sitting High Queen with their last breath. If you happen to run across the needle in the haystack that states otherwise… Well, they probably hate fluffy kittens and rainbows as well (and most likely don’t have any friends).


How would you introduce a traveler to Valorn?
Do you have your own top 10 list?
We would love to hear from you!
I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am :D
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Cody F
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Cody F » Thu Mar 15, 2018 1:50 am

Was having a seriously awful day...read this...started laughing and felt better...thanks Raffe!

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Lavender
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Lavender » Thu Mar 15, 2018 2:07 am

Completely awesome! Even my family who don't play was laughing when I read this!
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Lavender
Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this
is the beginning of wisdom. –Theodore Issac Rubin.
It takes courage to be kind. - Maya Angelou.

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Bifrost Janger
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Bifrost Janger » Thu Mar 15, 2018 7:40 am

1) Everyone is young and beautiful. The men are tall and strong. The women petite and buxom. Raffe is especially good looking. His mom cuts his hair, yano?!

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Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grow in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground. - Terry Pratchett

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Blythe
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Blythe » Thu Mar 15, 2018 11:23 am

Hahaha Bif!!! :? That hair! She would happily cut Bif or Jobes hair as well :wink:

I’m glad it made y’all laugh and brightened your day :D That makes me feel good!
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Lavender » Thu Mar 15, 2018 3:12 pm

Well...not everyone is young. I know several who's bio's say they are not...Hojo and Doyle come immidiately to mind.
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Lavender
Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this
is the beginning of wisdom. –Theodore Issac Rubin.
It takes courage to be kind. - Maya Angelou.

Topaz
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Topaz » Thu Mar 15, 2018 3:42 pm

>Everyone is young and beautiful. The men are tall and strong. The women petite and buxom.

*Ahem* Some of the women are tall and strong also.

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Blythe
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Blythe » Thu Mar 15, 2018 3:52 pm

Topaz wrote:>Everyone is young and beautiful. The men are tall and strong. The women petite and buxom.

*Ahem* Some of the women are tall and strong also.


#juicytruth
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Hojo Musachi
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Hojo Musachi » Thu Mar 15, 2018 4:35 pm

joyfire wrote:Well...not everyone is young. I know several who's bio's say they are not...Hojo and Doyle come immidiately to mind.


Hojo isn't as old as Doyle! But I have chose to age the character, it's a bit too simpsony for my liking not to
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Blythe
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Blythe » Thu Mar 15, 2018 4:43 pm

Raffe has aged, just a lot more gracefully than Hojo and Doyle :D
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Bifrost Janger
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Bifrost Janger » Thu Mar 15, 2018 6:06 pm

So like some sort of DG Old Man Top Trumps, Jobe is 54 (But I did not tell you guys that and don't let on to him that you know else he'll come for me in the night!), but like Raffe, he's aged like a fine wine. Who's older?

Who's dg's oldest woman? Any over 40?
Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grow in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground. - Terry Pratchett

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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Lavender » Thu Mar 15, 2018 6:09 pm

Lol, I know I've made Joy and Lav age some..I think Rosa found the fountain of youth.... Lol.
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Lavender
Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this
is the beginning of wisdom. –Theodore Issac Rubin.
It takes courage to be kind. - Maya Angelou.

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Bifrost Janger
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Bifrost Janger » Thu Mar 15, 2018 8:28 pm

I think DG is like Logan's Run and our chars are killed off when they start becoming saggy eyesores. Like, Miranda and Zeric lure them out into the desert and pew pew!

NO SANCTUARY!!

(Yes. I've had a few beers).
Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grow in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground. - Terry Pratchett

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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Pallas » Thu Mar 15, 2018 10:48 pm

Bifrost Janger wrote:I think DG is like Logan's Run


Wow - what a memory you've got !! :lol:
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Lavender » Fri Mar 16, 2018 5:21 am

Joy is getting close..to 40. And as my first character and the fact that she's visited Valorn in her past but did not stay ((hence the two Joyfires.)) Makes her my oldest. Rose is older then Lavender; not by much, but acts younger due to being hyper. Though I think she's settled quite a bit lately. Lav is refined, gentle, and brought up to be a lady even if she doesn't care to have the title. They all, sort of go in order of when they were created really.
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Lavender
Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this
is the beginning of wisdom. –Theodore Issac Rubin.
It takes courage to be kind. - Maya Angelou.

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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Zelele » Sat Mar 17, 2018 2:23 am

Am not petite!

Buxom....enough. :oops:

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Lavender
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Re: Valornians Top Tens

Postby Lavender » Sat Mar 09, 2019 4:59 pm

Came across this today. And enjoyed reading it, and laughing at it again. This would be good to connect to the Initiates guide to get newbies to understand Valorn a little better. It really has some good information for them. :)
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Lavender
Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this
is the beginning of wisdom. –Theodore Issac Rubin.
It takes courage to be kind. - Maya Angelou.


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