Ask Anonymous

Come here to tell your tales and meet with others. (In-character talk only)
AnonCollective
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Ask Anonymous

Postby AnonCollective » Thu Sep 08, 2016 8:51 pm

*a parchment tacked up*

It has come to our attention that some may have questions, perhaps sometimes shared by the people. Tuck away your questions to places we might find them, and we will attempt to help you find answers.

After all, everyone knows you should always listen to 'them'.

We will accept any manner of questions, but be prepared for unwise answers if your questions involve civility, romance, or intermediate hygiene.
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Viviyana
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby Viviyana » Thu Sep 08, 2016 11:16 pm

Dear Anonymous,

I am a 24 year old Valornian woman who desperately needs to advance, alas when I do try to train I always end up breaking a nail or ripping my gown. Do you have any tips to prevent this?

Sincerely,

Manicure-less in Valorn
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krystoff
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby krystoff » Thu Sep 08, 2016 11:41 pm

I am eager to gain experience quickly, but find time dragging on without traveling all of Valorn! please help!

Signed desire for levels higher
Take what you can, leave none in poverty!

AnonCollective
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby AnonCollective » Thu Sep 08, 2016 11:53 pm

To Manicure-less in Valorn.

To be perfectly blunt, we aren't sure why you are fighting in gowns. Do they billow to slow your falls? Are they meant to impress and intimidate foes? Do you anticipate chancing upon a mountain troll ball? The experts among us are uncertain. Regardless, here is our advice: to preserve the most possible gowns, reserve one specially for battle. Accept that it may be ripped. If you do not possess sewing skills, find someone who does?

Not sure on the nails. Gloves, maybe? Or trim them back.

If none of the above is suitable, you may find teaching classes on the purpose and execution of gown and nail maintenance to be surely less risky than slaying a variety of ugly critters.



To Desire for Levels Higher

Ah, don't we all have that? Here's the answer - moderation. You're only level... whichever you are, once, so enjoy it. That is, you're only that level once barring weird circumstances. Make small goals for training. And make time for exploring and enjoying comradery. That's part of your experience too, even if the trainers disagree.
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Viviyana
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby Viviyana » Fri Sep 09, 2016 2:56 pm

Dear Anonymous,

More and more lately I find myself wondering, what is it that separates humans from gremlins, besides physicality? Why is one allowed to be hunted down and farmed upon, and the other not? (Bandits aside.)

Sincerely,

A Human in Trinald.
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AnonCollective
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby AnonCollective » Fri Sep 09, 2016 3:54 pm

To A Human in Trinald

Straight to the deep stuff, it seems!

Pirates, bandits, sewer-dwelling thieves, and some certain crazy specimens aside, humans do remain somewhat unhunted. It is, however, our understanding that a certain warrior is also being hunted recently by centaurs. Bringing all of this together, we can find a common element.

Gremlins are an aggressive nuisance? When humans become some kind of that, hunting them is permitted or taken up too. Little adorable bunnies live and die in Dundee every turn. Why? They are harmless, compared to other critters. But still tend to be an aggressive nuisance to the population. Not just adventurers - kids, elderly, and such too.

Gremlins do seem to spend more time carrying out their criminal acts in towns, though. Bandits and pirates more rarely.

So, A Human in Trinald, we must wonder why you disregard the plight of criminal humans. What separates gremlins from humans, besides ugly-cute appeal? Why is one to be sought improvement and reformation for and not the other? (Besides the ones who become adventurers and seek it themselves)

Sooner or later, Human, we've all to recognize our own hand in our plights. Then it's up to us to decide that either is or isn't us. Offer them your aid, if you'd like. But end of the turn, they've the choice to want that aid or continue as they are. Hand-shaking starts with one side stepping forward, but sometimes it might end with scarred fingers if you aren't careful.

Just our two silvers,

The Collective
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Viviyana
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby Viviyana » Fri Sep 09, 2016 4:38 pm

Dear Anonymous,

I seem to have misplaced my boots. They are exceptionally fine black boots with tooled butterflies on the sides. Might you have seen them, by chance?

Sincerely,

Barefooted in Dundee
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AnonCollective
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby AnonCollective » Fri Sep 09, 2016 4:48 pm

To Barefooted in Dundee,

We haven't, no.

A crisis indeed! This is what we at the Collective call a four-step problem.

Step One: Talk to all of the merchants in the local area. Valornian merchants have a curious habit of talking us out of every little thing they can.

Step Two: (or should it be step one?) Check your feet. It is always possible.

Step Three: Find an unoccupied mob to aid in your search. If uncomfortable in pitchfork-wielding crowds, feel free to skip this step.

Step Four: After a footwear funeral, presuming no boots have been found, acquire a replacement pair. The old ones probably smelled like feet anyway.
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aryana_moonsong
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby aryana_moonsong » Fri Sep 09, 2016 4:59 pm

Dear Anonymous

Fall Fest is going to be here soon and I like so many can't wait. But I have a problem. I love candyballs. So much that I go crazy and spend all my coin buying them until my pouch is as empty as an empty mug of ale.

Can you help me over come my addiction to these delicious treats?


Candy ball fanatic
*grins roguishly* Oh I just love being a rogue...dark corners, slipping through the shadows...*gets distracted suddenly by something bright and sparkly* and...SHINIES!!! *pounces on it and looks around* My...shiny...*pets the shiny*

AnonCollective
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby AnonCollective » Fri Sep 09, 2016 5:10 pm

To Candy Ball Fanatic

You truly buy so many? By putting such a dent in the candy man's stock...

Think of the children, with forlorn faces and candyball-less little hands, standing on rainy roadway corners, watching people such as yourself buy away all the candy. My hand trembles to write it. Think of the children!

If thinking of the children somehow reinforces your resolve to buy so much, either through perceived rivalry or aversion to crocodile tears, we advise you to petition the candy man to raise his prices. It will surely solve your problem of buying too many.

If you consider the overspending to be the greater problem, we recommend borrowing your candy-money from trustworthy individuals and slowly paying it back with increasing interest until next Fall Fest.
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Ellyana Lilli
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby Ellyana Lilli » Fri Sep 09, 2016 5:17 pm

Dear anonymous,

I want to look my very best and need to drop the last stubborn 5 lbs VERY quickly (for personal reasons) but also without losing muscle tone. I've tried everything but If I exercise too much I get sore all over and when I don't eat I get faint and cranky. Please help. xox

Sincerely,
too-much-junk-in-the-trunk
'When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth' ~George A. Romero
'Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart'

Ellyana - 118743

AnonCollective
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby AnonCollective » Fri Sep 09, 2016 5:33 pm

To Too-Much-Junk

One of our experts suggests not forgetting to eat, as unconsciousness is probably unhelpful. I believe this sums up our expertise in this matter.
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Ellyana Lilli
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby Ellyana Lilli » Fri Sep 09, 2016 6:21 pm

Hullo dearies...

Some say I am totally obsessed with cats - and I can not argue that, but it does not make me crazy like people say. I have been surrounded by felines my entire life - and have dozens of cats that roam freely in and out of my little cottage within the woods. I provide them food, water and shelter - and in return they love me unreservedly and brings me gifts to show it. Sometimes I eat these gifts so not to offended them.

The cats have become my only family and friends because no one will come inside my cottage anymore. I've spent much time on my poor aching hands and knees, turn after turn cleaning up their messes but no matter what I do, I am told that the place stinks to highest Sunrifter. I can not even leave the cabin because I am told I smell just as badly. No one wants to visit me anymore and those who get close to my property never say hullo. They just stand there pinching their stuck up noses and whispering churlish insults, looking at me as if I am some sort of freak.

I have tried scrubbing with soap and water - top to bottom and leaving all the windows open to air the place out....even spritzing lemon on deep-set stains and into the air to freshen, but no matter what I do the cottage and surrounding terrain supposedly stinks - badly.

Incidentally I do not think the small is nearly as turrible as other people claim. And I am not THAT hard of smelling. Any advice on how to de-stink the place that does not include getting rid of ANY of my beloved cats?

It would be so nice to have a hooman visitor now and again - or meet a kindly old gent' who loves cats and would feel as honored as I would at being eaten to the very bone by my cats upon death.

~An old and lonely (but not totally crazy) cat lady
'When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth' ~George A. Romero
'Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart'

Ellyana - 118743

AnonCollective
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby AnonCollective » Fri Sep 09, 2016 6:49 pm

Dear, An old and lonely (but not totally crazy) cat lady

Our cat expert believes your felineous-fetish is puurrrrfectly placed as they deserve pampered lives full of worshipful treatment. Eating their gifts shows you have the right respect for your kitteh companions. However, perhaps they would enjoy private outdoor kitty play areas built spaciously with their safety and individual comfort in mind.
This will help on two fronts-- Firstly, cats get territorial and they begin to mark things you may not wish marked. Giving them each a private space will make them feel less competitive and it may cut down on the stink at the source. Secondly, even if it doesn't change marking behavior it gives your home some much needed turnly air out time without displacing them from their home permanently.
As for the clean up, try vinegar aged with lemon peels and lavender. It's sure to make those soaked in piddle spots lemony fresh in no time and discourage kitty potty visits.

I am afraid said expert has no advice on finding such a man as you require beyond that but hey, you have so much indifferent, cat love already!

AnonymousFeline
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Viviyana
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby Viviyana » Sat Sep 17, 2016 3:48 pm

Dear Anonymous,

Lately I have been having the strangest of dreams. Do you think that there are meanings in dreams? Do we truly walk in another world?

- Sleepless
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AnonCollective
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby AnonCollective » Sat Sep 17, 2016 5:44 pm

To Sleepless

If there are meanings in dreams, our experts struggle to find the meaning in one member's recent sleep-adventure of trying to find a fancy - but inexplicably important - restaurant on the beach. We also struggle with that one bizarre dream where one of us found themselves in possession of a dozen mouse-sized, but full-grown, cats. We will leave to question entirely yet another dream involving a basket, and castles with feet.

We have no idea if there is meaning in dreams. Any other opinions wish to help Sleepless?

If we truly walk other worlds, they are...very weird ones.

Anonymous
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Viviyana
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby Viviyana » Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:58 pm

Dear Anonymous,

I have this strange squishy bump forming on the heal of my foot, it is harder than a blister and an odd yellowish color. What is it and how do I get rid of it?

Sincerely,

Lumpy Foot.
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AnonCollective
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Re: Ask Anonymous

Postby AnonCollective » Tue Sep 20, 2016 12:22 am

To Lumpy Foot

After several marcs of consideration and formal meetings, we have come up with a variety of identities and potential removal methods. Please note that these are not endorsed by any official authorities. This is a dilemma of a vaguely lawless entity.

#1
What it is: Clearly you have been infected with a unique and unidentifiable illness.
How to remove it: Pray to the gods. Go funeral shopping just in case. Write a will, distant from the influence of estranged aunts.

#2
What it is: Probably combustible.
How to remove it: Apply fire.

#3
What it is: Probably dangerous.
How to remove it: There is no other option - remove the foot.

#4
What it is: Gold Guardian Mucus
How to remove it: Wait until your foot grows an ancient glowing gold crystal. This may take time.

Now, do not do any of the above. Go find an individual suitably trained in healing arts. And please reconsider your decision to consult faceless strangers regarding foot lumps.

The Collective
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